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Dance Toward Insight – Step 4

April 23, 2010 By Leave a Comment

I often tell my students that “learning never stops and never stop learning”.  This is what step 4, Dance Toward Insight is all about.  There are basic elements that if used, can help people arrive at insights without you telling them what to do and as we know, when an idea comes from us we are more likely to have buy in.   If the conversations we are having with people are succinct, and with intent and we use the pattern of :  gaining permission, properly placing our words within the discussion and use clarifying statements to ensure the meaning is understood then the chance of having someone gain insight on their own is increased. 

As a leader you are responsible for leading people, but that does not mean that you are to do the thinking for them.  If you lead with intent then you will also be training or developing your followers to become better thinkers.  The Four Faces of Insight is a great way to observe what is happening to a person as you have a discussion with them. You can see what they are thinking  by their facial expressions.   David Rock states that he secured a grant so  he could study what was going on in the brain when he was coaching someone. During his research he found that people make similar facial expressions when they are in various states of mind.  These facial expressions are depicted in The Four Face of Insight.  As humans we are always trying to find commonalities or patterns.  When we are presented with a problem for example, our brains begin to look for a solution and this is done by looking for some awareness.

The facial expressions that you may see when you first present a problem to someone is a look of confusion or of being aware that a dilemma exists.  As the mind works to process this new information the face depicts a look of reflection or thought.  When the “aha” moment comes the facial expression is one o insight and illumination, think wide eyes and smiles perhaps with head nodding.  At this point the person will move into motivation which is smile and content look of eagerness at having solved a dilemma and reaching insight.

As a leader you want to see these four facial patterns depicted.  When you do you know you are asking the right questions and providing the right details for the person to “Dance Toward Insight”.

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Speak With Intent – Step 3

April 20, 2010 By Leave a Comment

The first two steps that David Rock states in his Book Quiet Leadership are 1) Think about Thinking and 2)  Listen for Potential.  The third step is Speak with Intent.  If you have read my previous two blog posts you know that each of these steps builds upon the other. Each step grooms the quiet leader to improve the performance of their people’s thinking.   If you have taken communication courses then you probably have heard that it is important to actively listen.  Active listeners are not thinking about what they want to say in response, but are truly tuned in to the person doing the talking.   When speaking with intent the key is being aware of your words so that the purpose of the discussion is understood.  Saying what you really mean in succinct form and wording.

Rock states that his observations over the year have concluded three core patterns that tend to derail conversations:

1.  people take longer than they need to state their ideas.  Their listeners tend to tune out because they have been listening for too long without being able to respond.

2.  people listening do not understand “exactly” what the speaker is saying, this results in the intention of the discussion being missed.

3.  the person speaking is using language and concepts that the listener can not grasp immediately and therefore the conversation becomes one of deciding word meaning rather than the issue at hand.

As speakers with intent we want to make sure that our conversations are focused, clear and succinct.  Remember more is not always better.  If we carry on for too long our listeners will wander off into their own thoughts and our message will be lost.   If we are shorter in our sentence structure we are also allowing our listeners to process smaller amounts of information rather than processing several concepts and ideas.  Remember that our working memory is limited!

A recommendation Rock provides for being more succinct in your conversations is to visualize what you want to say.  What metaphors can you use,  visual words that help the listener to be drawn into your words.  Doing this allows us to connect to our own mental maps and allows the listener to make their own mental maps.  The brain processes information visually at a faster rate so you are helping your listeners.

Be specific in what you say.  Say what is relevant in a relevant and succinct way.   “I would like to meet with you later.” is not specific.  Saying, ” I would like to meet at 3:00 to-day  to go over the agenda for next weeks meeting.” is.   When we are specific we are building trust as well. There is no need to wonder, no hidden agenda and the person knows exactly what to expect.

Finally Quiet Leaders are generous when they speak.  They focus on positive impact to the other person.  Choosing words carefully, be sensitive, acknowledging, being real and paying attention and providing full focus to the conversation.

Speaking with Intent takes time to develop but it can be done with awareness and practice.   Reflect on what you will be saying before you say it and consider your words.  Think about the conversations you will have and determine how you can be more succinct, specific and generous in what you say.

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Quiet Leaders Listen for Potential – Step 2

April 16, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Step Two – Listen for Potential (Quiet Leadership – David Rock)

This step is recognizing that people have their own agendas or filters that they view life through.  These may be based on their upbringing, their experiences, their education, etc.  Regardless we tend to give advice to others based on these filters.   We also need to recognize that perspective plays a big role in influencing thoughts.  David Rock provides an example of a young girl who is thinking about changing her career.   She is addressing friends and family who each have their own experiences, filters, perspectives and agendas.  So in this case the parents are looking at the problem as parents, the doctor from the view-point of health, the psychologist from his view etc.  The point being that no one thought to view the situation from the girl’s point of view.  They were not “Listening for Potential”.  They all made the assumption that she needed help or that she had a problem.

When we are listening to someone our brains are working at finding order.  Since we have memories we tend to predict what will happen next.  This predictive state involves our neurons sending signals alerting the brain in advance of actually receiving the data input.   When we receive the data it is compared to what we anticipated happening.  This is the primary function of the neocortex or our higher level thinking.  What this means in this example is that when we listen to people we listen in a manner that proves our existing theories about that person.

Let’s say you have an employee that you believe is a low performer based on an experience you had with that employee.  Going forward you will have predict the outcome of a conversation before it is even finished.  You are not listening for the potential in the conversation, but you are allowing your predictive mind to guide your thoughts.

When you change or become aware of your own listening habits you can make the shift to listen for potential in that person believing that the person has the capability to answer their own questions.  As a Quiet Leader you are developing a better to listen, one that encourages, supports and see the best in people.

When I was reading this chapter I thought a lot about how we treat little children.  As they grow and develop we don’t solve every problem for them.  We support their intellectual growth by allowing them to experiment and come up with solutions on their own.  A child that wants the cookie on the counter top will solve the problem themselves by finding a chair to climb up on.  Adults are no different.

It may be hard to listen for potential if you are under a time frame or if you are personally attached to the situation.  However, there is “clarity of distance” as Rock calls it.   When we back away we are able to see things more clearly.  The forest for the trees, if you will.   We can get lost in detail, misguided by our own agendas and filters.  I know many people who say they are active listeners.  This may be true, but are they listening for potential?

When Listening for Potential, you are positioning yourself and the person you are speaking with for success.  Success that the person will find the solution for themselves with a bit of guidance and support from you.  You don’ have to have all the answers, and shouldn’t.  As a leader you are helping people to grow.

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