If you have every heard someone say – “you can’t change another person you can only change yourself”, they were right! We can try to change someone, but it won’t work. Why? Because in most cases we are trying to change someone to be more like ourselves. Deep down inside we believe that they way we address a problem is the right way, the way we deal with other people is the right way, the way we communicate our likes, dislikes, needs and wants is the correct way. But…. guess what? There are other ways and they are right as well.
I use DISC as one of the assessments in my coaching practice. DISC is a behavioral assessment tool that provides people with a better understanding of themselves as well as others. DISC is based on the work of Wm. Marston and examines the behaviors of individuals in their environment within various situations. DISC uses four quadrant model and has four dominant styles, D, I, S and C. After answering a series of questions, this assessment will provide you with an indicator of where you are within the DISC quadrant. At this point I will add that we are all a blend of each style, but we have a dominant style that we revert back to because it is the most comfortable for us.
How does this help the individual? It helps in many ways. One being that you are given characteristics of your style, how others perceive your style and what the good, bad and ugly of your style could mean for you. As you are de-briefed on your style you are introduced to the other three styles. This is where the “aha’s” generally come into play. You are presented with the fact that not everyone is like you and that when you try to change someone to be like you it doesn’t work. That leads us back to the fact that you are the only one that can change, if you so desire.
Knowing yourself better combined with knowing about the other styles can aid you in better communication methods. You can learn to adapt your behavioral style to better interact with the other styles. Communication is key to harmony and working with people in both our personal and professional lives. If we take it upon ourselves to know the other person better we can determine what their likes and dislike are. What pushes their buttons and what makes them feel good about themselves. When you know these things you can then adapt your style to accommodate some of these attributes so that you reduce stress, conflict and begin to develop a relationship based on mutual respect for each others uniqueness.
You may be saying that it is you doing all the work. This may be true if the other person does not know about the various styles, but think of the power in your hands! You can adapt and change a strained relationship into a productive relationship. You can demonstrate the flexible nature that you have learned.
There is so much more to go into with regards to using assessments to be a change catalyst that this only touches on the tip. There are also other assessments that can be used one being Berkman. I just happen to like the results and depth of DISC. Learning about yourself is a life long process and the more we know about ourselves the better we are prepared for the journey.
If you want to know more about DISC or take an assessment yourself, you can contact me for more details.